Almost two years ago, I wrote an entry on the private journal that I already abandoned for some time now. If it weren't because of last night's beer talk with Prime, I would not probably remember this journal because that time while we were talking about how things are turning out this days, it suddenly came into my mind that I actually wrote something that has a close relation when I wrote here that 'things might never be the same again.' It's still early to presume how things would turn out from now on, but reading again this entry gave me a haunting feeling that I wish it will never happen. But right now, I'm totaly certain that it will never happen.
I'm posting here that entry dated June 16, 2005
It was a dark and stormy night...
I had a brief dream of Karla and Kitty last night. We were in our high school and the three of us were walking in our playful mood. I was in between them; my one hand was holding Karla's while the other on Kitty's. Then the next thing I knew, when I turned my head behind I saw Ivan and when I looked back at Kitty, she was gone. Then Karla also disappeared as sudden as how my dream drifted on my subconscious mind.
I stirred in my bed as I opened my eyes and realized that it was raining outside and the strongest gust of wind swayed the trees on our dormitory’s backyard and the booming thunder heightens the eeriness of 2 in the morning. It took me a while to bring myself back to sleep. When I woke up after that dream, I was submerged with flowing thoughts on how that dream relates to me. I may not have gotten myself much knowledge on dream interpretations as what Sigmund Freud proposed, but I recalled Alfred Adler and his proposition that dreams have a close association to one's waking life. He suggested that dreams occur when one is troubled by something in his life. You may not believe me but all these thoughts were in my mind during that time when I tried to go back to sleep.
In relation to that dream, I can only deduce one possible interpretation. That dream represents my "fear of losing my friends".
I’ll be on my second year here in Dumaguete and every time I returned back to Malaybalay, whether for a short time or for the rest of the summer, I always had this feeling of not wanting to go back here. During my first few months in college, I had an epiphany that ‘having fun doesn’t mean that you’re happy.’ I’ve been over-using this statement to Greg every time we had a talk when we get drunk but somehow I still adhered to it until now. I am the kind who revered happiness as the ultimate goal of man and failing to attain such could result to self-destruction (think of Vincent Van Gogh, Virginia Woolf and Kurt Cobain).
I have a different experience here every time I hang out with my newfound friends. I don’t get to have that feeling of surreal fun compared to when I was with my old peers. In short, I don’t get to have that same happiness that I always had every time I was with them. To all my friends whom I haven’t had the chance to spend much of my time with, they had no idea how much I misses them and that they are in my mind constantly. And they have no idea how much I wished to myself every time I had a good time here that if only I spent those moments with them, I could be happier.
I still have fear of losing them.
I had a brief dream of Karla and Kitty last night. We were in our high school and the three of us were walking in our playful mood. I was in between them; my one hand was holding Karla's while the other on Kitty's. Then the next thing I knew, when I turned my head behind I saw Ivan and when I looked back at Kitty, she was gone. Then Karla also disappeared as sudden as how my dream drifted on my subconscious mind.
I stirred in my bed as I opened my eyes and realized that it was raining outside and the strongest gust of wind swayed the trees on our dormitory’s backyard and the booming thunder heightens the eeriness of 2 in the morning. It took me a while to bring myself back to sleep. When I woke up after that dream, I was submerged with flowing thoughts on how that dream relates to me. I may not have gotten myself much knowledge on dream interpretations as what Sigmund Freud proposed, but I recalled Alfred Adler and his proposition that dreams have a close association to one's waking life. He suggested that dreams occur when one is troubled by something in his life. You may not believe me but all these thoughts were in my mind during that time when I tried to go back to sleep.
In relation to that dream, I can only deduce one possible interpretation. That dream represents my "fear of losing my friends".
I’ll be on my second year here in Dumaguete and every time I returned back to Malaybalay, whether for a short time or for the rest of the summer, I always had this feeling of not wanting to go back here. During my first few months in college, I had an epiphany that ‘having fun doesn’t mean that you’re happy.’ I’ve been over-using this statement to Greg every time we had a talk when we get drunk but somehow I still adhered to it until now. I am the kind who revered happiness as the ultimate goal of man and failing to attain such could result to self-destruction (think of Vincent Van Gogh, Virginia Woolf and Kurt Cobain).
I have a different experience here every time I hang out with my newfound friends. I don’t get to have that feeling of surreal fun compared to when I was with my old peers. In short, I don’t get to have that same happiness that I always had every time I was with them. To all my friends whom I haven’t had the chance to spend much of my time with, they had no idea how much I misses them and that they are in my mind constantly. And they have no idea how much I wished to myself every time I had a good time here that if only I spent those moments with them, I could be happier.
I still have fear of losing them.
Prime and I agreed that this could be the most turbulent summer that we'll have on the 19 years of our lives. That's why I don't want to go back to Dumaguete without having a clear mind.
3 comments:
this is exactly the reason why i stare aimlessly at the ceiling every night...
i guess im not alone..
thank God
I believe that we get a glimpse of our future through our dreams. It's happened to me a lot of times before but the only thing is that you only remember the dream when it's already happened in real life so there's really no way of foretelling things.
Your dream really says a lot of what's happening right now.
You'll get through this.
Shot sa! Hahaha ;p
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